The Wilderness Parent – Year 3 with Kids in the Woods
Posted by Erin on 14 Feb 2012 | Tagged as: home, trip reports, wilderness kids
In honor of Katmai’s third birthday, Lituya’s first (last month), and my third year as a wilderness parent.
(Read First Year in the Woods and Second Year in the Woods here).
“No, I don’t want to walk to the lake, I want to walk all the way to town!”
“I want to run on the road!”
“No, I need to walk very slowly!”
“I have to visit at the dump truck with the broken engine!”
“I can’t come because I’m working on putting all this snow in the sled!”
“Carry me!”
(from 10 minutes of a walk with Katmai)
As he turns 3 years old, I find that my role as a parent is shifting from porter to outdoors coach. For years, I’ve been struggling with the logistics of HOW to bring Katmai out into the woods with us. But my biggest task now is squirming my way into that toddler mind of his and making sure he LIKES IT.
Katmai walks over the shattered rock that covers this part of Malaspina Glacier, and Mt. St. Elias provides a backdrop.
His Own Two Feet
Last September, we watched Les’s plane buzz its way back over the vast expanse of Malaspina Glacier, leaving about a hundred miles from the nearest human, with two little kids and a ridiculously large pile of stuff. As we lashed the 95 lbs of food, 60 lbs of gear and diapers, and 19lbs of non-mobile baby onto the two mobile adults, I realized we had suddenly entered a new phase of parenthood.
Katmai was two and a half. And to get to our campsite, he would be walking. In fact, he would be carrying his own pack, with a two pound bag of raisins in it.
“Look Katmai, there’s a stream up ahead! Maybe when we get there, you can throw a rock in!”
“Why don’t you hold my hand, Katmai, and we can just walk up to those trees over there!”
“Hey Katmai, if we make it to the new campsite, you can have some dried pineapple!”
That first day, we only had to make it a quarter mile across the valley. But over the course of our entire two month expedition, we traveled around 100 miles. For most of it, both kids were passengers. But at 2.5 years old, Katmai was both a more awkward passenger, and a more reluctant one. Over that two months, he probably walked around 20 miles on his own two feet. And every single one of those miles was an exercise in patience only marginally easier (and sometimes more difficult), than carrying him.
The Joys of Nature
I want our children to love the outdoors. That’s a big part of why we take them out in the first place, right? I want Katmai to throw rocks in the creek, to stare down into a deep icy hole in fascination at the water gurgling into its depths, to kick the seeding fireweed into clouds of fluff that cover his fleece suit in a layer of white, to lay on his belly picking nagoon berries, to imagine rocks into cars and logs into dinosaurs, to run in a stream, to stomp his tracks into the mud, to drink from a trickle of glacial water, to eat snow…
But sometimes, I wish he would do all those things just a little faster. Sure, kid, look at that stick for a minute. But then get up again, and walk at a reasonable hiking pace in the direction we’re going, and don’t stop again until we’ve gotten at least a little ways along. OK? Sadly, this is not how a 2 year-old’s brain works.
Every time we go out, I practice seeing the world through Katmai’s eyes. Is being 10 yards from home any reason not to spend 15 minutes digging “mouse holes”? Aren’t the details of a snow-buried devil’s club fascinating after all? I’m a wilderness lover. And I love the details of nature as well. But toddler zen does not come naturally to me. I like to move through the world, at least a little bit, watching hills and valleys move by beneath my feet, discovering places we’ve never been before. And if we followed toddler zen all the time all the time – if we ate snow from every inch of snowbank, or “fed” spruce twigs to every single driftwood “dinosaur” on the beach, we’d never get anywhere at all.
The Art of Coaxing
The compromise is coaxing. From my own childhood, I remember my mother parceling out M&Ms and Skittles to my brother, and playing word games with me, coaxing us along the trails of Washington’s Cascade Mountains. Scanning blogs and forums, I’ve gleaned tips and tricks from the parents of older children, from “magic energy drinks” to hide-and-seek and scavenger hunts along the trail. We aren’t giving up wilderness travel any time soon. And we won’t be able to carry our children forever. It’s a delicate balancing act, trying to gently ease a willful almost-3-year old into big-kid expectations.
“Katmai, let’s go on an adventure!”
“I don’t want to! I want to go to town!”
“But adventures to new places are really fun! Only big boys can do them. And we can go on an adventure into the trees, and we can look for tracks in the snow, and we can have warm cocoa when we’re done.”
“Will there be toys there?”
“We can bring some toys.”
“I want to bring my horses and my train engines and my cars and my bunny and my backhoe and…”
“That’s too many to carry. How about just the horses?”
Winter Awkwardland
Katmai clutched his plastic horses as I wrangled him into pants, snow pants, shirt, fleece, two pairs of socks, neoprene booties, elbow-length mittens, and a beautiful whaling parka with a wolverine fur ruff. And that was just the first kid. I sent him out the door, turning to stuff Lituya into a fleece, booties, and her snowsuit, while she whined and tried to wriggle away. Then I realized I wasn’t dressed for the single digit temperatures myself, and hurried to grab snow pants, gaiters, gloves, hat, and mittens, while Lituya lay immobile on the floor with her arms and legs stuck straight out, fussing at the sudden restriction. I threw Lituya on my back in the woven wrap, arranging an over-large coat over both of us.
We were ready for “adventure.” Out the door of the yurt, we turned left. Not to the trail, but into the narrow band of woods that lies behind the yurt, and the gully beyond.
“What do you think we’ll find, Katmai?”
“Wood bugs!”
“What are wood bugs?”
“They have tails like this, and legs, and they walk and they eat snow and they eat trees, and they’re bugs because they go on land.”
Apparently, “wood bugs” were all the scattered branches and twigs sticking up through the snow. We made slow progress from wood bug to wood bug, Katmai marveling at how more of them appeared beneath his feet as he sunk into the deep drifts. We talked about their dietary habits, pointed out their body parts, and continued into the trees.
Lituya slowly sung herself to sleep on my back as I stomped. On this January day, I was home alone with both kids. This was no intrepid glacier expedition, or major backpacking trip. Just an ordinary afternoon.
A wind came up, sending piles of fluffy snow sailing off the trees in a sudden shower of white. But in the gully, where we were, the wind was light enough that even the little ones didn’t complain.
I let Katmai choose the way, even when it led us through deep and brushier snow than the route I would have chosen. The snow was waist deep in places, and neither of us had snowshoes, so I got my own excercise by vigorously stomping down a trail good enough for Katmai to walk on. He scrambled under a log, climbed “steep mountains”, and carefully stomped his larger horse through all of it, talking about the tracks ‘Boozo the horse’ was making. We found caves for the horses to peer in, snow for them to walk in, and devils club flowers and dried out stalks of grass for them to eat.
Even here, on a tiny piece of our own property, I discovered things. I found a tree toppled in one of the fall storms, lying across the gully on our summer trail to the nettle patch. I looked at the tracks of voles and rabbits, as Katmai insisted that they were all made by “wood bugs” I lifted Katmai up the steepest parts of the slope, then I stomped a trail back down as he slid behind me.
In brush and deep snow drifts, the quarter mile took us nearly 2 hours. Back on the road, Katmai took off running in the tracks left by the road grader, exclaiming excitedly at a passing snowmachine.
The Passenger
I may be turning into an outdoors coach for Katmai, but my kid-carrying days are by no means over. Nearly every time I step outside, Lituya is riding on my back.
It’s hard to be a one-year-old in the winter. She’s old enough to have desires beyond watching the world from my back. But she’s too young to make any headway wearing a snowsuit on a slippery path through deep powder.
I love the snow. And at this point, carrying a 21 pound kid on my back is so ordinary I hardly notice it. But she’ll be happy to see spring.
The Future
Looking at the other children I know, I try to imagine mine at 4 and 2 years old. Then I try to imagine those 4 and 2 year olds on a 600 mile 3-month-long journey around Cook Inlet. I can’t imagine it yet. Which is only par for the course for a big adventure – especially with over a year left to plan it. Being an adventurer means always planning new challenges you can’t really imagine until you get there. Having kids means the exact same thing. So we continue our quest, working to become experts in the unexpected.






